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When her message notification popped up, I thought it was going to be another of our chitchat engagements. I was wrong. She was bothered and needed my opinion.
As this friend’s Nikkah approached, she sought to know if to go ahead with the rites when her fiance actually wanted her to be a housewife after marriage. With an advancing career in Telecommunication, and having just crossed from one company to another, an imminent life of redundancy wasn’t appealing to her, despite her man being tremendously deep pocketed as a contractor. Both are northerners.
I heaved a sigh knowing she’s never going to relent until I chipped in an input. Since the issue was almost leading to a strain between them already, I encouraged her to put further wedding arrangements on hold and speak with her parents so they could speak with his for a resolution. “They didn’t spend all that resources to send you to school for your cerebrum to rot away,” I concluded.
She did as I advised. Feigned disinterest in going ahead with the affair. Parents intervened. Fiance eventually agreed to allow her continue with her career, bowing to superior reasons. They’re long married now with 3 children, or maybe more. No be recent matter.
Twist is her husband fell on hard times a few years into marital life. He was so badly hit that he could hardly buy ordinary bread for his home. Same man who, while dating, bought her the most expensive phone of that period whose cost could purchase a plot of land in a decent part of town.
Providentially, same woman he planned turning into a dependent domesticated wife came through for the family during his trying times without them needing to run helter skelter to meet needs. This was made possible simply because she opted to be useful beyond homemaking, not just to herself but her husband, home, and by extension, her parents who spent a fortune educating her. Imagine if she hadn’t held on to her career and had a good job?
Though the husband is gradually beginning to find financial rhythm again, he’s yet to get back to his past days of affluence.
Men must learn never to be unmindful life informs no one before it throws a curveball. Mitigating against it must come with being proactive and having adaptible plans to navigate unexpected challenges or changes. Building a strong financial buffer and support system to cushion negative effects of the unknown must never be taken for granted.
This should be obstinately and mutually upheld in every union but handled with great wisdom. In contemporary times with its volatile economic realities, no woman should go into conjugal cohabitation without a job or business of her own, just as it’s expected of a man too. Flexible coping arrangements can be applied as procreation begins to take place.
Selah.
– © TMan.
